Fight, flight, freeze and fawn: understanding trauma responses

Fight, flight and freeze are automatic ways the body responds to danger: confronting the threat, getting away from it, or going still. “Fawn” is a more recent, popular term for trying to stay safe by pleasing or appeasing the person who feels threatening. None of these responses is chosen in the moment, and none of them is a sign of weakness. After trauma, they can keep switching on in everyday situations, and therapy can help you understand and gently settle them.

Key points

• Fight, flight and freeze are instinctive survival responses that happen without conscious choice.
• “Fawn” was popularised by psychotherapist Pete Walker. It is a helpful way of describing a pattern, not a formal diagnosis.
• Some UK organisations describe related responses as “flop” and “friend”.
• How you responded during a traumatic event does not make you responsible for what happened.
• These responses can persist after trauma, and support is available through your GP, NHS Talking Therapies and private therapy.

What are trauma responses?

When we sense danger, the body prepares to survive before the thinking mind has time to weigh things up. Rape Crisis England & Wales describes how, in this state, the body speeds up heart rate and breathing, tightens muscles, releases adrenaline and cortisol, and shuts down functions that are not urgent, such as digestion. Cortisol can also make it harder to think clearly.

This is why people often say afterwards, “I don’t know why I did that” or “I couldn’t move”. The response is automatic. Rape Crisis is clear that we do not get to choose which response we have, and that not fighting back, running or speaking up does not mean the person was to blame.

What do fight, flight and freeze mean?

• Fight means meeting the threat head on, for example pushing, struggling or saying no. Later, it might show up as irritability, anger or feeling you have to defend yourself.
• Flight means creating distance from danger by running, hiding or backing away. Later, it might look like avoidance, restlessness or keeping constantly busy.
• Freeze means going tense, still and silent. Rape Crisis notes that freezing is common in sexual violence, and that it is an instinctive survival response, not consent. Later, it might feel like going blank, numb or unable to act.

Rape Crisis also describes flop, where the muscles go loose and the mind may shut down, and friend, which can mean calling for help or trying to placate, negotiate with or plead with the person who is dangerous.

What is the fawn response?

The term “fawn” was popularised by Pete Walker, a psychotherapist in California, in his writing on childhood trauma. He describes fawning as seeking safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. Walker links it to repeated trauma in childhood, and to what he calls the codependent defence.

It is important to say that fawn is not a formal diagnosis or a clinical category. It is a popular way of describing a pattern that many people recognise in themselves, and it overlaps with what UK organisations call the “friend” response. Thinking about it can still be useful. People who identify with fawning often describe:

• Finding it very hard to say no, or feeling anxious when someone is displeased with them.
• Tuning in closely to other people’s moods and adjusting to keep the peace.
• Losing touch with what they themselves want, feel or need.
• Apologising often, or taking responsibility for things that are not theirs.
• Feeling drawn into relationships where their needs come last.

These patterns are often described as “people-pleasing”, but that phrase can sound like a personality flaw. Seen through a trauma lens, they may once have been a clever and necessary way to stay safe. The difficulty is that they can carry on long after they are needed, and can quietly shape relationships and self-worth.

Why do trauma responses keep happening?

After a frightening or overwhelming experience, or after a long period of feeling unsafe, the body can stay on alert. Reminders of the past, such as a tone of voice, a smell, a conflict at work or a certain kind of silence, can switch on a survival response even when there is no present danger.

The NHS describes post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as including reliving the event through flashbacks, intrusive images or nightmares, avoiding reminders, feeling constantly alert for danger, sleep problems, irritability and feeling detached from yourself. Symptoms can appear straight away or months or years later.

Not everyone who recognises these responses has PTSD, and only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis. If you are worried about symptoms like these, the NHS suggests speaking to your GP.

What can help in the moment?

When a survival response switches on, it can help to remind the body that it is safe now. Some people find it useful to:

• Notice your feet on the floor and what you can see, hear and touch around you. Our grounding exercise walks you through this.
• Gently slow your breathing. You can try our breathing exercise.
• Name what is happening, for example “this is my freeze response”, without judging it.
• Give yourself a pause before agreeing to something, if you tend to fawn: “Let me get back to you” is enough.

These are not a cure, and they will not suit everyone, but they can create a little space between the trigger and the response.

How can therapy help with trauma responses?

If you think you may have PTSD, you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies in England if you are 18 or over (16 in some areas). Your GP can also talk through options, including medication.

Other kinds of therapy can help people understand and soften these patterns, particularly where they are rooted in relationships. I work as an integrative psychotherapist, drawing on person-centred, psychodynamic and CBT-informed ideas, at a trauma-informed pace. That means going gently, keeping you in charge of what we talk about, and not asking you to go over painful memories before you feel ready. Often the work involves:

• Making sense of where your responses came from, and seeing them with more compassion.
• Noticing what switches them on in daily life.
• Building a sense of safety, both in the therapy and in your body.
• Practising small changes, such as expressing a need or a preference, at your own pace.

You can read more on my trauma therapy page.

If you are in crisis, call 999, go to A&E, call NHS 111, or contact Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24/7).

If something in this guide feels familiar and you would like support, you are welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial consultation. You do not need to explain your history in that first conversation; we can start with what feels manageable.