Ways of working
Couples therapy in London and online
I offer couples therapy in Farringdon and online, for adult couples who want support with how they relate to each other. Together we explore what keeps happening between you, so that you can each be heard and decide what you want for the relationship.
Recognise this?
This may suit you if…
- The same arguments keep coming round, and neither of you feels heard
- You have stopped talking about things that matter in order to avoid conflict
- Trust has been damaged, for example by an affair or a hidden decision
- A big change, such as a new baby, illness, a move or redundancy, has put strain on your relationship
- You feel more like flatmates than partners, and are not sure how you got here
- You are considering separating and want to think it through carefully together
Not sure where to start?
An initial consultation is a simple way to see if we’re a good fit. No pressure.
Send an enquiryWhat couples therapy is for
Couples come to therapy for many reasons. Some are in crisis; others have noticed a slow drift apart and want to address it before it goes further. Some want to stay together and need help finding a way through; others are unsure and want space to think about the future honestly.
Whatever brings you, couples therapy is a chance to slow down and look at what is happening between you, rather than who is to blame. I work with adult couples of all kinds, whether you are married, living together, dating or in the process of separating.
What we might explore
Communication
Many couples tell me they talk but do not feel heard. We look at how you speak and listen to each other, what gets lost along the way, and what each of you needs in order to feel understood.
Conflict cycles
Arguments often follow a familiar pattern: one person pushes, the other withdraws, and both end up feeling alone. Recognising the cycle, and what sets it off, can make it easier to step out of it. Often the pattern is the shared problem, rather than either of you.
Rebuilding trust
When trust has been broken, through an affair, secrecy or a serious breach of what you agreed, both partners are usually hurting, in different ways. Therapy offers a structured space to talk about what happened, to understand it, and to decide whether and how to rebuild.
Life changes
New parenthood, illness, bereavement, moving country, career changes or children leaving home can all shift the balance of a relationship. Sometimes a couple needs to renegotiate who they are to each other.
What joint sessions look like
We meet together, the three of us, at a regular time we agree on. The initial consultation is a chance for you both to ask questions. In the early sessions I will want to hear from each of you about the relationship, what brings you now and what you hope for.
Sessions can be in person in Farringdon or online, usually with both of you joining from the same private space. You can read about fees and your first session.
My role
My role is not to take sides or decide who is right. I aim to stay neutral, to make sure each of you has room to speak, and to help you hear each other more clearly. At times I may slow a conversation down or point out a pattern I notice. I will not tell you whether to stay together; that is your decision.
Everything is confidential within the limits of the BACP Ethical Framework. At the start, we agree how we will handle anything either of you shares with me separately, so that the work stays fair to you both.
When individual therapy may help first
Sometimes one partner is dealing with something that makes joint work difficult for now, such as significant anxiety, depression, trauma or an addiction. In those situations individual therapy, for one or both of you, may be a more helpful starting point, and couples work can follow later. If you would like support with relationships on your own, I also offer individual therapy for relationship difficulties.
If you would like to talk about whether couples therapy is right for you, get in touch to arrange an initial consultation.
Questions
Common questions
Do we both need to want to come?
It helps if both of you are willing, even if one of you is more hesitant. If your partner does not want to attend, individual therapy about the relationship may be a useful alternative.
Will you tell us whether to stay together?
No. My role is to help you understand what is happening between you and what each of you wants. Decisions about the relationship are yours.
Can couples therapy happen online?
Yes. Usually you both join from the same private space at home, using one device with a camera and good sound.
Do you work with same-sex couples?
Yes. I work with adult couples of all kinds, whatever your sexuality, gender or relationship structure.
Can we come if we are thinking of separating?
Yes. Some couples use therapy to separate as carefully and respectfully as possible, particularly when there are children involved.
