Lonely in a big city: loneliness in London and what can help

Feeling lonely in London is common, even though you are surrounded by people. Loneliness is about the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want, so busy streets, packed trains and a full diary do not always fill it. It is not a personal failing, and it can change. Small, steady steps towards contact, and sometimes talking it through with a therapist, can help.

Key points

• In England, around 7% of adults say they feel lonely often or always, and many more feel lonely some of the time.
• Younger adults report loneliness more than older age groups in recent government figures.
• The NHS describes different kinds of loneliness, including feeling alone among people you know.
• Long-lasting loneliness can affect mood and wellbeing, so it is worth taking seriously.
• Small, regular contact often helps more than big social goals, and support is available if you feel stuck.

How common is loneliness?

More common than most people imagine. In the government’s Community Life Survey for 2024/25, about 7% of adults in England said they felt lonely often or always. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) found a similar picture across Great Britain in early 2024: 7% of adults felt lonely always or often, and a further 20% felt lonely some of the time.

The survey found that younger adults were the most likely to report loneliness, with 9% of 16 to 24-year-olds and 8% of 25 to 34-year-olds feeling lonely often or always. People in urban areas reported it slightly more than those in rural areas. London itself was not significantly different from the England average, which is a useful reminder that loneliness here is ordinary rather than unusual, even if it rarely feels that way.

Why can a big city feel so lonely?

There is no single reason, and everyone’s loneliness has its own story. Some common threads for people living in London include:

• Moving here for work or study. Arriving without existing friends or family nearby means building a network from scratch. Our guide on moving to the UK and homesickness looks at this in more depth.
• Moving often. Renting and changing flats or areas can make it harder to put down roots. An ONS analysis found that renters reported feeling lonely more often than homeowners, as did people with a weaker sense of belonging to their neighbourhood.
• Long hours and long commutes. Time and energy for friendships can get squeezed out.
• Friends moving away. London is a city people pass through, so a social circle can thin out over a few years.
• Comparison. Social media can make it look as though everyone else is out having fun. Mind points out that we usually only see what people choose to share.
• Life changes. The NHS lists events such as bereavement, a relationship ending, becoming a parent, illness or becoming a carer as possible triggers, and notes that sometimes there is no clear cause.

Can you be lonely even with people around you?

Yes. The NHS describes three kinds of loneliness: emotional loneliness, when you lack a close bond; social loneliness, when you lack a wider circle or shared interests; and existential loneliness, a sense of being alone even among people you know. You might have colleagues, flatmates and a busy weekend, and still feel that no one really knows you.

Mind notes that having lots of contacts does not stop loneliness, and that for many people it is linked to low self-esteem or confidence. If you tend to hold back, assume others would not want to hear from you, or feel you have to perform to be liked, our page on self-esteem may help.

How does loneliness affect your mental health?

Feeling lonely now and then is part of being human. The NHS says that loneliness which is severe or goes on for a long time may increase the risk of stress, anxiety, low mood and depression. It can also become a cycle: when you feel low, reaching out feels harder, and the less contact you have, the lower you may feel.

Signs the NHS mentions include avoiding social events, letting routines slip and finding it hard to sleep. If your mood has been low for a while, our page on depression explains more, and your GP is a good place to start if you are worried.

What can help when you feel lonely in London?

Different things work for different people. Mind suggests only trying what feels comfortable and not putting too much pressure on yourself. Some ideas drawn from NHS and Mind guidance:

1. Start small. A short chat with a neighbour, a barista or someone at the gym counts. Mind suggests these everyday moments as a gentle starting point if you have felt lonely for a long time.
2. Get back in touch. Send a message to someone you have lost contact with. It does not need to be a long conversation.
3. Choose regular rather than one-off. A weekly class, club, choir, sports group or volunteering role lets you see the same faces over time, which is often how friendships grow.
4. Follow your interests. The NHS suggests joining a group, in person or online, built around something you enjoy.
5. Ask your GP about social prescribing. Mind explains that your GP can refer you to a social prescribing link worker, who can connect you with local community and voluntary support.
6. Consider befriending. Several charities run telephone befriending services that match you with a volunteer for regular calls.
7. Notice the comparison trap. If scrolling leaves you feeling more alone, try limiting it, especially in the evenings.
8. Plan for harder times. Mind suggests planning ahead for times such as Christmas or anniversaries, when loneliness can feel sharper.

How can therapy help with loneliness?

Therapy is not a replacement for friendship, but it can help with the things that keep loneliness in place. Mind notes that talking therapies can help you explore what loneliness means to you and find new ways of managing your feelings, and that CBT may help if social anxiety has left you isolated.

In my integrative approach, drawing on person-centred, psychodynamic and CBT-informed ideas, we might look at:

• What loneliness feels like for you, and when it is strongest.
• Patterns from earlier relationships that make closeness feel risky or out of reach.
• Anxious or self-critical thoughts that stop you reaching out.
• How a move, a loss or another life transition has changed your sense of belonging.
• Small, realistic steps towards the kind of connection you want.

Sessions are available in my practice room in Farringdon or online, in English or Turkish. In England, you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies for free support with problems such as low mood and anxiety.

If you are in crisis, call 999, go to A&E, call NHS 111, or contact Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24/7).

If loneliness has been weighing on you and you would like a space to talk about it, you are welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial consultation. Reaching out can feel like a big step when you are lonely, and we can go at whatever pace feels right for you.