Therapy in your first language: why it can help

Therapy in your first language can help because the language you grew up with is often closely tied to your earliest memories, your family and your strongest feelings. Research with multilingual adults suggests that many people feel emotional words more strongly in their first language, and that being free to use all of their languages in therapy can help them express themselves more fully. That does not mean therapy in a second language cannot work. It means it is worth thinking about which language, or mix of languages, will help you feel most understood.

Key points

• Many multilingual people say emotional phrases feel strongest in their first language, though this varies from person to person.
• Research with multilingual clients found that switching between languages often happened when sessions became more emotional.
• Some people find a second language gives them helpful distance from painful topics; others find it keeps feelings at arm’s length.
• Being able to use all your languages, rather than leaving one at the door, can help you feel more fully seen.
• What matters most is a qualified, registered therapist and a relationship in which you feel safe.

Why does language matter so much in therapy?

Therapy is a talking treatment, so the words you have available shape what you can say. Most of us learn our first language in childhood, surrounded by the people who raised us. The words for comfort, shame, anger and love are often learned in that language first, along with the tone of voice, the jokes and the sayings that went with them.

If you learned English later, perhaps at school, at university or after moving to the UK, you may be very fluent and still notice that some experiences are hard to put into English. A memory from childhood might only really make sense in the words in which it happened. A phrase a parent used might lose its weight, or its sting, when translated. None of this is a problem with your English. It is simply how languages and memories tend to be stored together.

What does research say about multilingual clients?

Research on multilingualism and therapy is a growing field, and much of it comes from surveys and interviews rather than clinical trials, so it is best read as helpful insight rather than firm rules. With that in mind, a few findings stand out.

• In a large online survey of more than 1,400 multilingual adults, most said the phrase “I love you” felt strongest in their first language. How people felt also depended on things such as when and how they learned their other languages and how much they used them in daily life (Dewaele, 2008).
• A survey of 182 multilingual clients found that clients often switched language when the emotional intensity of a session rose, and some used this deliberately when talking about difficult experiences such as trauma or shame, either to come closer to a feeling or to put some distance between themselves and it (Dewaele and Costa, 2013).
• The same study found that clients tended to do best where their multilingualism was welcomed and they were free to move between languages.
• A study of 101 therapists found differences between monolingual and multilingual therapists in how they attuned to multilingual clients, and its authors recommended that therapist training and supervision pay more attention to the role of language (Costa and Dewaele, 2012).

Taken together, this suggests that language is not just a practical detail. For many people it is bound up with identity, memory and emotion, and it can be helpful to have a therapist who understands that.

Can a second language ever help?

Yes, sometimes. Some people find that talking about something very painful in their second language gives them a little distance, making it possible to approach a subject that would feel overwhelming in their mother tongue. Others feel that English has become the language of their adult life, their work and their relationships, and that it is where they feel most like themselves now.

The research above suggests that both experiences are common. The aim is not to insist on one language, but to notice what each language allows you to say and feel. In therapy, moving between languages can itself become something useful to explore: what happens when you switch, and what you might be protecting yourself from or reaching towards.

Who might benefit from therapy in their first language?

There is no rule, but you might find it helpful to think about therapy in your first language if:

• You notice that your feelings seem flatter, or harder to reach, when you talk about them in English.
• Important memories, especially from childhood or family life, happened in another language.
• You find yourself translating in your head while you speak, which can feel tiring and a little distant.
• You worry that cultural meanings, family expectations or religious ideas will need lengthy explanation.
• You have moved to the UK and miss being able to speak freely in your own language.

Equally, if English feels like your most natural language for talking about feelings, that is completely valid. Some bilingual clients prefer to use mostly English with the option of another language when it helps.

Is understanding the culture as important as the language?

Language and culture are closely connected. A therapist who shares your language may also recognise some of the cultural references, family roles and expectations that shape your experience. At the same time, nobody should assume they know your story because you share a language or a background. Every family, region and generation is different, and a good therapist stays curious about what things mean to you rather than filling in the gaps.

If you work with a therapist who does not share your language, it can still help to bring words from your first language into the room and explain what they mean to you. A therapist who is open to this can learn a great deal from it.

How do I find a therapist who speaks my language?

Whatever language you choose, the basics are the same. Look for a qualified therapist who is registered with a body accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, such as the BACP, UKCP or NCPS. You can read more in our guide on how to check a therapist is BACP registered. It is fine to ask a therapist directly which languages they work in, and online counselling can widen your choice, since you are not limited to therapists who live nearby.

In England, you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies for free psychological support for common problems such as anxiety and depression, without seeing your GP first. You need to be registered with a GP and usually aged 18 or over. It is worth asking your local service what language options it can offer.

Working with me in English or Turkish

I am an integrative psychotherapist registered with the BACP, and I offer sessions in English or Turkish, online by secure video or in person at my practice room in Farringdon, Central London. Some clients choose to speak only Turkish, some only English, and some move between the two. You are welcome to use whichever language feels right in the moment. You can read more on my Turkish-speaking therapist page.

If you are in crisis, call 999, go to A&E, call NHS 111, or contact Samaritans on 116 123 (free, 24/7).

If you would like to talk about whether therapy in your first language might help, you are welcome to get in touch and arrange an initial consultation. We can think together about which language, or mix of languages, would suit you best.